Saturday, July 18

7/17 "I'm Blogging This"

Story time:

It's the first run of the night. I'm up on a double. Both are credit card orders. One tips $1 online, one has an undetermined tip. Naturally I take the undetermined tip first not wanting to encourage bad tipping behavior by delivering the other one in less than our advertised delivery time. I drive across town to the first delivery, park the car, and walk up to the door. I'm cheerful because I really want a tip. I want to followup my great night last night with another great night. I'm not deterred by the $1 tip order sitting in my car. Every night has at least one cruddy tipper.

A man answers the door. He's tall, rotund, has a mess of curly black hair and is wearing a shirt that says, "I'm Blogging This". Aha! A witty fellow! I just know he's going to tip. We witty types understand the toil that goes into delivering pizza. He signs the credit card slip and doesn't fill in the tip and total line. I look at it as I put it in my pocket. He sees me look at it as I put it in my pocket. I see that he sees that I know that he didn't tip. He has a look of satisfaction on his face at the obvious problem I have with him not tipping. I get him his pizza, don't offer cheese and peppers, he closes the door, and I whip out my iPhone to send out the following Tweet:

Zero, oh irony, his TShirt said "I'm Blogging This", HAHA asshole, I'm blogging THIS!!!

And I am. And Mr. BloggerMan, I'm now telling the world that you're an asshole! I know lots of sexy, intelligent, and funny bloggers and you are not one of them. I would be willing to bet that you are:
a) Not a blogger at all but just a lying, cheap lier poopyhead
b) One of the flaming haters out there with nothing better to do than piss on things other people love
c) Trying to seem macho since you really blog about something like this or this (NSFW) or this (not that I'm hating on any of those people, even the middle one as long as long as I don't have to see it, I like fans of all types)
d) Blogging about politics (I'm not going to dignify this by linking one)

So HAHA to you asshole, I hope you do blog about this.





Anonymous said...

You realize, of course, that you are my hero.

Roses said...

You go, girl!

(Yay! I'm the "funny" one!)

Keeneye said...

If you get too hot down south, I own a pizza place and could use another sarcastic gal here in Oregon.

Now close your jaw and get to work!


Unknown said...

@Dbgrady - yay! Pizzagirl to the rescue!

@Roses - of course you're the funny one!

@Keeneye - Doesn't it rain a lot in Oregon? I'd have to figure out how to get in and out of the car without getting the inside wet... but I'd get to buy cute galoshes... hmmmm, tempting