Friday, June 5

6/5 Mischief Managed, a dong, and ?Robot Romance?

Imagine that you are sitting at a red light minding your own business, perhaps fiddling with the radio, singing along, rocking out, picking your nose. You look around and notice that the girl in the pizza-delivery car next to you is staring at you. You lock eyes, she smiles, she winks, you think you’re hot stuff, then she makes the international “call-me” sign and...
...points to her car topper.

What do you do from here? Are you left at the now green light wondering what the heck just happened? Do you shrug it off? Do you laugh? Do you call and order delivery?

Welcome to tonight’s Damn The Man: rogue marketing.

The answer to the above questions is that most people were just downright confused (except me, I was thoroughly amused). I don't think they got the joke. The soccer mom sure didn't get it, in fact, I think she was a little mad at me. The motorcycle dude got it, but I think that scowl was permanently stuck on his face. The "gangsta" guy didn't get it at all. I don't think he understands sign language. Oh well, Damn the Man!

Other than that (and dishes), the Pizza Gods were on a mission to amuse. I present another scenario:

Thing 2 is folding boxes listening to her headphones. Robot Bopper comes over and starts relating a story about a guy on the phone with a deep voice who started shouting "Mommy." An amusing story, perhaps, but coming from Robot Bopper it just doesn't have the needed effect. Thing 2's eyes glaze over.

Enter Skinny Bopper on the cut station and Happy Bopper in the discussion. Thing 2 says that Skinny Bopper has a crush on Robot Bopper, loud enough for Robot Bopper to hear. Happy Bopper then proceeds to ask, "Do you like skinny chicks?" which doesn't compute with Robot Bopper. She repeats the question to no effect. So Thing 2 looks him straight in the eye and says, "Do. You. Like. Skinny. Chicks?" Robot Bopper thinks for a few seconds, looks up at the ceiling, sighs, and says, "I like a girl with a pure heart." This sends Thing 2, Happy Bopper, and myself into fits of giggles and Skinny Bopper turning around in shame at the whole exchange. Did I mention that Skinny Bopper is a flaming lesbian? I admire Robot Bopper's ideals, he should hang on to those a little while. He's only 17, he has plenty of time to learn how the world works.

On a separate note, I saw a customer's penis.

He came to the door dressed in nothing but boxers with hearts all over them. There was a big tear on one of the legs and his willy was just hanging out. He only tipped $2. Did I mention that he was not hot?

To make matters better, it seemed to be dress-to-amuse day:
  • Stoner Manager unveiled what he's been hiding under those bandannas for so long, which are semi-fro mini dreds
  • Bambi (who is apparently back) had on ginormously huge hoop earrings
  • Day Driver was all G'd out in his white T, backwards baseball cap, and sunglasses
  • MexiDriver got off work, changed into a wife-beater, went and picked up a gaggle of skanks, and came back to pick up pizza

Walked out with $30.

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