Saturday, May 30

Pictures and Pizza Girl's Secret Identity?

This is the view from the back of our store. You can't really tell, but those are corn fields.

My view from traffic. Trying to figure out if this liscense plate which says 1QTCWGR is random or is trying to say something.

I love this sign. Cows turn right at next intersection.

(you didn't really think I was going to give up my secret identity did you?! Mwahahahaha)

5/30 hungover delivering...again

I'm writing this from the bath, which is awesome! I thought I had to work tonight but about 10 this morning I got a call from El Jefe asking where I was. Apparently I was scheduled to be there at 9:30 and I forgot/misread the schedule. Of course, not expecting to work, I did a little drinking last night and was proportionally hungover. Two things made it allright though:
1)we were pretty slow
2) I'm in a strangely good mood. Despite being tired and achey I can't stop being happy. Everytime my brain isn't actively occupied with something else I'm smiling. I don't know whatbrought this on. Plenty of good (and bad) things are going on in my life but I just can't shake the feeling that everything's going to be ok.

Came out with $39.

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, May 29

100th post! and Forced Fundraising

TGIF! For my 100th post we'll start with the negative to get that out of the way and end on a happy note.

Things that did not amuse me:
  • Forced fundraising - we are selling pizza coupon sheets that benefit a women's shelter. I am all for giving to charity....however, El Jefe presented the initiative like this, "Every driver has to buy 10 of these for $3 each and sell them for $5 each." As soon as he said that it was mandatory, my brain shut down. I was out. I immediately do my smart ass thing and question the legality of forcing me to buy things. If he had phrased it something like this I might have been on-board, "We're going to be selling these coupon sheets that benefit this women's charity. I'm going to give you 10 and at the end of the night you get to keep $2 from each sale."

(Did I mention I'm selling them for $3 because the woman's shelter gets the same amount anyway and I don't really care about making a profit out of it.)

  • The customer who gave me a $20 and said "just give me $2 back, no $ $2." I was going to be seriously pissed if he had changed his mind and decided to give me less of a tip.
  • ArmyCook sending me home early. I swear that if I want to go home early, he keeps me until 11:00; but if I want to stay so I can make some money, he sends me home as soon as he can. Of course, I argue with him either way. Got away with it tonight and managed to get a triple even after he told me to get my money together.
Things that amused me tonight:
  • A shiny new NIN sticker on the back of a shiny new steel gray Ford Taurus. You know that dude's hardcore.
  • As tonight's Damn-the-Man I didn't break down the boxes before dragging them out to the dumpster.
  • A door hanger that said "Home Tweet Home"
  • Getting paid with a $50 bill. I dunno why, but whenever I get a $50 (maybe because I'm not rich enough to ever get them on my own) I always want to break out my thong, stick the $50 in the side and dance around.
  • Happy Bopper getting seriously catty behind Eyebrows' Ladyfriend's back. She's usually so happy that it's downright silly when she acts any other way.

Walked out with $27 off 7.

Thursday, May 28

Bopper Bingo

Only took one delivery tonight. $4 from a lady who used her own pen. I was surprised. Usually when they use their own pen they have some warped idea that I didn't do any workband therefore don't deserve a tip.

When I got in today the Boppers all had these sheets next theirs registers. I didn't know what they were until I heard Happy Bopper exclaim, "I got the chickenstrips!". Curious, I went to investigate. Corporate sent out side-item Bingo activity sheets. I guess this is to get them to upsell different types of items, but all I see is gimmicky sales competitions. I'm soooo glad I'm done pandering to The Man's idea of what motivated me. At the same time, my competitive nature wants to hop on the phones and show those Boppers what's what.

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, May 22

5/21 Cows

One of the best things about my area is that we have a lot of country roads. I get to drive by oceans of corn (right now it's just high enough to see over the top of from my car), some beautiful horses, and scrubland (which I love because I can almost imagine the entire landscape made of this when it was first settled). One of my favorite rural sights is cows. Near my house is a little family with two mamas, two babies, and a daddy. The mamas are brown and the dad is some weird black and white speckled breed with a weird hump and neck-flap. The cutest thing is that one of the babies is all brown except for the face which is black and white speckled. Near the rich pre-planned neighborhood is a couple of longhorns. I'm not even a little bit tempted to pet them. On one of the back roads there's a herd of cows that are fat and shiny, I am very tempted to pet them if they weren't sooooo big. If I ever get a farm (and figured out how to keep it free of grasshoppers, tarantulas, scorpions, etc) I would have a herd of pettin'-cows.

When I wasn't being wonderfully distracted by the scenery, last night was frustrating. I made a rookie mistake of forgetting a soda, got stiffed twice*, and ArmyCook was being generally annoying*.

*One of my stiffs was a web-order where they chose carryout instead of delivery but decided they wanted delivery. ArmyCook made me take it and I got stiffed and later he tried to get out of giving me my $1 gas reimbursement for it since it wasn't in the system as a delivery. This is so typical of him trying to follow corporate law to the letter when it suits him. Just because he decided not to bad-order the old one and take a new delivery order, tell the customer that they owe us the the $2 delivery charge, or otherwise make this a legitimate delivery doesn't mean that I deliver for charity. As far as I care, my wage agreement is $1 gas reimbursement per delivery. I don't care whether they try to recoop that from the customer with a delivery charge or not. I don't deliver for free. Maybe if they'd tipped me I might have let it drop, but I gave up a perfectly legitimate 2nd delivery (which got switched to Caveman) to fulfill ArmyCook's (stupid) promise to the customer to deliver when it was the customer's own damn fault for choosing carryout.

Did I mention it's officially June-bug season? I hate June-bugs! I may die of them.

Ended up with $37 off 11 deliveries.

Monday, May 18

5/15 - 17 A long weekend

I have way more things that to write about than I could possibly fit into one blog, so I'll just have to save some gems for slow days.

Friday night:
$31 off 8 deliveries

Only got stiffed on one delivery and it was right across the street from another delivery I was taking.

$103 off 23 deliveries

It was raining, me and Caveman were the only drivers, we had no boppers, leaving Stoner Manager to handle in-store by himself. The day actually didn't start off very well. I was stiffed twice in my first five deliveries, both of which commented on the weather and how awful it was and how I was wet. I spent a lot of time wet. Luckily things picked up in the afternoon. I got an $11 tip off a guy who was too baked to count ones, two $5's off web orders, and a $10 from a birthday party order.

$90 off 22 deliveries

First thing in the morning DevilEyes quit, leaving me as the only driver all day. We were pretty steady all day. Manwhore was a manwhore all day, alternating between hitting on me and telling me about his manwhorish adventures. At some point I think he perceived my disdain for him though I can't be sure because he didn't really change his behavior at all. Some fun things:
  • Delivered to the guy with the capibura dog again. His driveway has two stone lion statues guarding it.
  • Delivered to my ex-boss from Blockbuster, the one who I later worked beside at a completely different job that I quit after two weeks.
  • I think Thing One pissed in the sink
  • Got 50% of my Daily Recommended Value of carbs from Mountain Dew. The nutritional information should just say, "You don't want to know."

Friday, May 15

5/14 ArmyCook's Back

ArmyCook's back and he sent me home early. Still managed to get in 7 deliveries for $25 dollars but then he sent me home. The good news is I picked up a day-shift Saturday, so I'll be working all weekend and hopefully make enough money that I don't have to rock the Ramen all week at work. In all, of my 7 deliveries, 3 of them were completely unacceptable tips, two of which were very condescending about it; they had the attitude of "here little pizza girl, I'm better than you and you should be grateful for this $1/$1.50 in quarters that I deign to bestow upon you from my high house." At one of the houses I was confronted by the wolf from The NeverEnding Story tied on the front lawn. A little girl came out and untied it to drag it into the house and I got out my pepper spray because I wasn't going to be eaten by the agent of The Nothing.

Monday, May 11

5/8 Pizzapocolypse is nigh

Friday was awful. I took 5 deliveries and made $11 dollars. Just in case you don't feel like doing the math, that means that I made an average of $1.90 tip per delivery. My first two deliveries were okay; two soccer mom's in one of the rich neighborhoods had actually managed to find the tip field in our online ordering. After that, three stiffs in a row. Uggggg. Not amusing.

Thursday, May 7

5/7 Dishes

Tonight started off slow....really slow I couldn't clock in for almost half an hour. Then I took two deliveries in the first hour, which is pathetic. Luckily things sped up but not before pizzas started disappearing. I don't think Stoner Manager ever did figure out which Bopper/driver was fucking up; I wasn't really in the store long enough at that point to get into the drama.

I've christened a new bopper, Robot Bopper. Thing two and Happy Bopper are both avoiding him for some reason. He is a little weird though I think it's just him being a goody-goody and socially stunted.

Two customers that didn't amuse me:
  • The hairy guy who ordered the pizza well done, complained that I was early, then proceeded to demand to check the pizza for its well-done-ness before giving me the money.
  • The girl who gave me $1 Jefferson gold dollar coins as part of my payment. Do I look like a vending machine?

Got stuck with dishes, which take me forever, so here are the 10 things I hate about dishes.

  1. Sanitizer - it smells yucky
  2. Floaties - I have to rinse everything before it goes in my dishwasher, floaties completely gross me out
  3. It takes forever - mostly because of #2, 5, 6, 7, and 8
  4. When I put away the dishes and my hands are still wet and the water drips down my arms into my armpits and shirt
  5. Watching dishwater drain because the floor-drain overflows if I let too much water out at once
  6. Not enough room to drain the dishes causing me to have to wash a mini-batch then put them away
  7. Dishes that are too large even for an industrial sink
  8. When other people do dishes and I find grease pencil/actual grease left on the dishes and so have to re-wash them
  9. When I accidentally spray myself with the sprayer
  10. When I cut myself on the tomato torture device/slicer/knives

Ended up with $32 off 10 which comes to approximately $2 average tip.

Monday, May 4

5/2 5/3 Bugs!

I worked for 2 and a half hours Saturday morning doing nothing but prep work. I took zero deliveries, cut myself on the tomato slicer, and saw a dead bird out back. I can't even begin to describe how disgusting the juice coming off the ham is when I'm hungover. It wasn't just the ham though; all processed meats were grossing me out. The giant congealed block of bacon had to be broken up by hand. Each little piece of sausage was coated in a tiny layer of pig fat and they slip and slide around each other and leave little streaks of fat on the side of the container. The beef seemed like those little rubbery bits that they use in playgrounds.

Last night I was scheduled to work just a few hours but Eyebrows called in so I volunteered to close to make up for the hours I missed Thursday and Friday. It was actually a pretty nice night. El Jefe seemed to think I was doing him a huge favor by closing so he didn't make me take out the trash and he did most of the dishes. I was working with two of my favorite drivers, Big Black and Malibu Ken. After I came back from my last delivery (to Day Driver who tips very well), Malibu Ken found a giant moth which couldn't fly anymore. He proceeded to poke it and try to set it on fire and spit, etc. Then, just for fun, he picked it up and threw it toward me. The stupid thing could fly just enough to actually make it near me then veer off into the grass. I still scrambled backward as fast as I could and screamed loud enough I'm sure Austin could hear me. And as if that wasn't enough, Big Black decided it would be funny to come in the store and pretend like he had a moth in his hand and like he was going to throw it at me. It was really just a little piece of bark, but it shook a little when he opened his hand and I freaked out anyway. Fun!!!