Monday, September 14

9/12 Hot Towel Fantasy

Oh, where to start...

Ok, close your eyes. Well, imagine you're closing your eyes and opening your imagination.

It's raining. You're a pizza delivery girl that's been delivering pizza in the drizzly rain all day; your clothes are wet; your shoes are wet and threatening to soak through to get your socks soggy (a fate worse than swine flu); your car is also slightly soggy from having to open the door and maneuver the pizzas in and out. You get to the door and there is a fetching gentleman there (picture what you will here, I'm picturing cute-grocery-store-checkout boy), you can hear music coming from inside the house that is similar but cooler than what you usually listen to (I'm imagining that he's somehow gotten ahold of the new Muse album). He pays for the pizza and tips you $5 and just as you're about to leave he asks if you want to take a minute and have a slice. You accept and go inside (because somehow he's managed to convince me with just his demeanor that he's not going to try to murder me the second I step inside). He pulls a towel straight out of the dryer and hands it to you, it's hot and smells like fabric softener. (Because it's my fantasy and I can) You strip down (to your underwear if you're more modest than I am) and wrap the towel around you. He throws your wet clothes in the dryer and you proceed to the couch, the music starts to build. [imagine here what you will, but you know where I'm going with this]

It was drizzly. I delivered for 11 hours and was constantly damp. It was steadily busy.

  • Getting double tipped when the wife ordered online and pre-tipped and the hubby didn't understand the receipt and tipped me again. They both tipped an unacceptable $2 but karma caught up with them and it turned out ok.
  • A five dollar tip even though the customer didn't really get my joke that he should train the sparrows to eat the daddy long-legs (both of which had a nest up in his porch).
  • Taking one last triple at the end of the night and getting two five dollar tips out of it.

Not amusing:
  • I delivered to a county sheriff who pulled a dollar out of the waistband of his shorts (eww!). I believe it's a crime to steal my time like that.
  • Another dollar tip, this time from a very pretty, buff gentleman who seemed to think that gracing me with his dazzling smile and sparkly eyes while offering sincere appreciation made up for lack of monetary gratuity. 1) Not my style, sorry and 2)No!
I made $89 off 21 deliveries.

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