3/27 Squished Gecko

I only worked Friday night this week. It was a big change from the six days a week I've been working for what seems like forever. I was supposed to work Saturday night but I woke up from my nap feeling super loopy. I'm pretty sure El Jefe thinks I was on drugs. I was technically on Excedrin and I took a couple more than I usually do because I had a wicked headache. That combined with waking up from a really deep sleep made me feel like I was made of rocks. I also had the surreal sensation that I didn't remember how to work my arms. I lay there and stared at them, but they didn't quite feel like mine. Other Chick Driver made me call El Jefe to tell him I wouldn't be in but at the time I was still feeling loopy and he asked me if I was on drugs.

Interesting things from Friday night's shift:

• On my way to work I stopped by McDonalds to get dinner and saw an advertisement for a fair that the local church is throwing that will include a "Live Petting Zoo!" The first thing I thought was, "As opposed to the dead kind? Welcome, kids to Uncle Ned's Taxidermy Petting Zoo. Pet a stuffed cougar so real you'll swear it's going to bite you!"
• Delivered to a guy with a vampire glyph tattoo on his forearm.
• Saw a poor kitty who had been shaved except for a tuft around its head. It looked at me like I could save it from the crazy people.
• I noticed the imprint of the back half of a gecko that had been squished in the doorjam at a customer's home. I have a vivid imagination so I really feel sorry for the poor gecko that had gotten almost inside the house when the door was suddenly shut and it was cut in half. I imagine that the people didn't even notice it. The cat probably came and ate the remains, but as a memorial from the universe the pressure of the door created a perfect impression of two back legs and a long tail. RIP little gecko.
  

Pizza Cravings - Warning: Rant ahead

Last night I was having pizza cravings at 10:30 and I decided to call to get delivery since we don't close till 11. Stoner Manager answered the phone and gave me crap about ordering pizza when he was trying to get things cleaned up. He finally agreed to take the order and then proceeded to text me about how I never want to work and I always order pizza right before closing just to piss him off. I am so tired of his shit! If I'm not getting my employee discount (which I don't on delivery), then I expect to be treated like a customer. So here is my defense and my Damn-The-Man and rant.

• He says: I never want to work. I'm always asking to go home.
• The truth: I ask to go home semi-frequently (mostly because I was burnt out), but so does everyone else, he just chooses to notice when I do it. In fact, Saturday (when he was closing) I didn't once ask to go home early despite the fact that I was supposed to get off at 8:30 and I ended up working (and working hard) until 11:00.
  

• He says: I only do this when he's working. It's like I'm trying to piss him off.
• The truth: I act the same for every manager. Again, he just chooses to notice only the bad things that I do rather than the good.

• He says: I only order when it is close to closing.
• The truth: Most of the time when I order pizza, I pick it up. In fact, I usually end up being the one to come in and make/pull it out of the oven. When I do get delivery, if I'm not getting an employee discount, I expect to be treated like a customer. Customers call close to closing all the time. He doesn't give them crap about it. On top of that, I tip very well. I always give the driver $5 regardless of whether or not I got my employee discount.

On the plus side, my extra cheese thin crust really hit the spot.

3/20, 3/21, 3/22 Incognito

Apparently someone has been taking me (or someone else because I can't imagine who it would be through me) wayyyyy too seriously. Yesterday El Jefe pulled me into the walk-in to ask me if I knew who might have sent an email to our corporate office about the "general manager" dating a bopper and coming to work high. The semi-anonymous author of said email said that she had a friend who's second job was at my store and naturally, because I was a little disgruntled last week (okay, a LOT disgruntled) he thought of me. After I quit laughing I explained:
1)Everyone I know that doesn't already work there is in Austin and wouldn't give a crap about the pizza-drama in my little podunk town
2)I don't care what Stoner Manager (who isn't the general manager anyway) does, it as much amuses me as anything that he's dating Bambi and they seem to be happy together
3)I like Stoner Manager better when he's high because he's not as cranky and that's a moot point anyway now that he's getting clean
4)If I was going to do something to get at him (presumably because I'm soooo disgruntled), this is not my style, he would know it was me.

I guess I need to go a little more incognito with my blog till this whole thing blows over.

Things that amused me this weekend:

• New Boppers, there are two of them, they are boys that look like brothers. I christen them Boyband Boppers.
• Making lots of $$$. Not so much amusing as it is just awesome!!!

Things that did not amuse me:

• Receiving wet money from a customer. WTF! We are not at an amusement park, there are no water rides, there is no excuse for giving me wet money. I think he might have been using the sweaty crevice under his manboob as a money storage area. Ewww.
• Manwhore Manager's manwhorish escapades. These used to be amusing but now are just redundant, plus he has to have a raging case of ghona-sypha-herpales by now. Ewww.

Made $64 off of 17 deliveries yesterday. $33 off of 7 today.

Days Off

For the first time in a very, very long time I have three days off in a row and have decided to give yall a peek into the life of PizzaGirl while she is not delivering pizza:

Tuesday - I went with OtherChickDriver to her parent's house for traditional Irish food (which it turns out is pretty gross). I was still hungry when I left. I wanted pizza.

Wednesday - called out sick to regular job (because I really needed a personal day). I sat around OtherChickDriver's house and read the rest of Ender's Game and ordered pizza (delivered by LittleNicky). God bless pepperonis and mushrooms. OtherChickDriver is going on Weight Watchers, so she ordered a thin-crust cheese pizza of which each slice is 5 points.

Thursday (tonight) - I'm going to see a movie, in 3D! Yay! Maybe I will not crave pizza.

Other Pizza-related thoughts:
My mother spotted a sign in Denver, CO that said, "Holy whole wheat pizza, Batman!" BTW, our whole-wheat pizza is disgusting, not really more nutritious than a regular dough, is difficult to slap, and makes my car smell funny.

3/16 Laissez-Faire

ArmyCook started off every driver's shift last night by highlighting and forcing us to read the section of the employee manual where it details a driver's duties. This was brought on by Baldy quitting because he didn't want to answer phones. The best part though was that I went and highlighted the drug policy which basically says (in corporate speak) that they don't care what you do as long as you don't affect your performance and you don't deal at work. I was severely amused.

Made $19 off of 5 deliveries.

3/13 Bad Luck and Mad skilz

1
2
2
0
2
2.25

Those were my tips tonight. I walked out with $19 off 6 deliveries, which totally blows for a Friday night. It was rainy it was drizzly, I was complemented twice on the sheer speed and awesomness of my mad delivery skilz.

3/13 Mini-Meltdown

Last night I hit burnt-out like a brick wall; just smacked into it going 60 mph on my first delivery. I spent at least 5 minutes sitting in my car after I got back refusing to go back inside. I couldn't do it. Inside meant more pizza, more boppers, more drivers, more shitty tippers who didn't seem to realize that it was fucking freezing outside and raining. I got stiffed, straight-up, twice. Bambi Bopper was fucking everything up on the phones. She took at least two delivery orders as carryouts; she was mis-stickering boxes. I finally told ArmyCook that he needed to politely tell Bambi that garlic parmesan breadsticks go in a 12 inch not a 10 inch box because if I had to tell her I wasn't going to be polite, tactful, or nice. Seriously, why is she still here?! Why are we putting up with such blatent incompetence? If this were a real job or she wasn't dating Stoner Manager, she would be fired by now, or quit because someone made her cry after yelling at her for doing something moronic.

I put in a request to get less hours. See above if you can't figure out why. I am going crazy!

Walked out after 3 hours with $9 yesterday. Super Burn!

3/11 Cold and Rainy

I realize that cold and rainy is relative, but I am freezing my butt off (if only I could say that litterally). At least some people are sympathetic and give better tips though I'm thinking that that will only work for a maximum of two shifts in a row; after that, people will figure that we're used to the weather.

Stoner Manager has been really cranky because he's not stoned all the time. He may also be a little burnt out, I think we're all getting to be that way a little. I'm really tired of working six days a week.

Walked out with $25 last night off of 5 deliveries.

3/8 All Hail The Queen

I delivered to the castle today.  The lady inside stiffed me.

ManWhore Manager sent Goofball home early so I ended up with back to back StinkyButtFace Triples.

Learned to slap dough!  I'm pretty good at it, for a first timer.

Walked out with $53 in my pocket.

Birthday Weekend

This past weekend was my birthday, so I haven't really been blogging well. We have a new driver, Stitches, he never smiles. It's my new mission to get that guy to smile. StripperGirl moved to another store. PizzaMama hasn't been around in a while, she's not on the schedule. Goofball got to be GoofyBopper for a night b/c his insurance expired. Mustache is getting replaced with MonkeyWrench

• I must remember not to turn my back when delivering out to the trailer park (not a mobile home, real live tiny ass trailers). I delivered out there and couldn't find the slot # so I started to call the guy and I see a guy walking toward my car and it was the guy who ordered and so I just got out of the car to get his money but then I turned my back to him to reach into the car for the pizzas and the second I did it I knew it was a bad idea. He didn't do anything, but I realized that I definitely should not have put myself into that vulnerable a position in a shady neighborhood.
• ACDC, "If You Want Blood" is the best song EVER to listen to when going out to a delivery!
• I decided to use a driveway out in the country and it had a little bridge over a ditch and I had to back out and I completely went off the bridge so that one of my tires was hanging off the side. I was scared I wouldn't be able to get it back onto the road. I was also scared they'd call and tell the store about my bad driving and the nice shiny new black marks on one of the curbs on the bridge. I'm starting to think I'm a bad driver.
• People with houses for sale tip badly.