Thursday, November 5

Pizza needs Parmesan like Pudge needs Peanut Butter

I was home sick yesterday and I decided to order a pizza delivery from the closest store in my chain (because I actually like our pizza and don't mind paying full price if I'm not near my store). Little did I know that I was about to become one of those customers, the complaining customer. I would like to think that any one of you would do the same.

The facts:
  • I ordered our cheepy-special. I hate when customers order this, but I intended to tip well and this is still more food than I needed.
  • The delivery driver did not carry Parmesan.
  • I tipped him $5 anyway
  • The pizza was barely warm. So barely warm that I warmed it up in the microwave before eating it.
  • One slice of pizza had its cheese and pepperoni stuck to the top of the pizza box rather than on the pizza.
The complaint:
  • I called to complain to the manager. He offered to remake the pizza, I declined, I didn't want to wait another hour for a new pizza and I've developed an ability to eat sub-par pizza.
  • BUT I wasn't going to pay for it so I asked him to credit me a pizza.
  • This store does not issue credits, I had to either take a new pizza or have them bring me my money back.
  • I chose my money back and let the driver keep the tip BUT I was really trying to avoid having them make a second stop to my apartment because it's a waste of the driver's time.
  • I won't be ordering from that store again.
  • I'm going down to standard tipping ($3) unless they bring me some GOD DAMNED Parmesan packets. Seriously, we have pouches on the delivery bag for them. It takes less than 5 seconds to throw some in there (even if you don't volunteer them at the door). I don't give a shit about corporate policy, I always bring them with me even on free orders and shitty tippers so that if they ask I have some. From now on, good tips go to drivers to have good customer service and the only thing I want is Parmesan.
Pizza needs Parmesan like Pudge needs peanut butter:

Hula Teacher: Lilo, why are you all wet?
Lilo: It's sandwich day. Every Thursday I take Pudge the fish a peanut butter sandwich...
Hula Teacher: "Pudge" is a fish?
Lilo: And today we were out of peanut butter. So I asked my sister what to give him, and she said "a tuna sandwich". I can't give Pudge tuna!
Lilo: Do you know what tuna *is*?
Hula Teacher: Fish?
Lilo: [hysterical] It's fish! If I give Pudge tuna, I'd be an abomination! I'm late because I had to go to the store and get peanut butter 'cause all we have is... is... stinkin' tuna!
Hula Teacher: Lilo, Lilo, why is this so important to you?
Lilo: [calm] Pudge controls the weather.


Organic Meatbag said...

Have you ever delivered a pizza with a flip flop in the middle of it?

Unknown said...

Lolwhat? Nope, no foreign objects in a pizza thus-far (unless you count the spider parts from the time I squished a spider with the slicer and went right back to slicing the pizza).

O said...

I am shocked that you would even think of putting pizza in a microwave let alone actually do it.