10/25 Moldy Pumpkins

You know what happens when you carve slightly fugly jack-o-lanterns and display them on your porch? They get moldy and people like me who have no choice but to go onto your porch have to wonder how many fungus spores are in the air. This is a perfect metaphor for my Sunday.

First the good pumpkins:

• The first joked with me on the phone and I was really not amused, but when I took the delivery they tipped me $5 and it turns out it was a group home for the disabled and I talked to the guy who ordered for a little while, he was really surprised that I'm a female delivery driver.
• Thing One mentioned that the customer wanted to order a soda but that they had already been rung up. I, being a thoughtful driver, brought one with me and allowed him to buy it for cash. (El Jefe later tried to make me pay full price for it but I convinced him to let me buy it at my discount to make an extra $1.50 in profit) The guy tipped me $5.

And now for this guy:

I go to the house just like any normal delivery. He answers the door, I recognize the house and know he's probably going to tip $2 like he previously has. He starts to fill out the credit card receipt and turns to me and says, "I'm going to be an asshole and give you no tip and I just want you to know that I'm only doing this because the guy on the phone was such a jerk." I am not in the mood for it so I say, "You know that doesn't punish him." and he says, "Well, whatever. If you come here again, I'll tip you, I don't forget a face." I hate people who try to make themselves feel better by telling me what they think I want to hear. Money talks! I don't believe you! And if you ever have to say "I'm going to be an asshole", don't worry, you've obviously achieved the status of asshole long before now.

That behavior alone would get him on here, but it gets worse. After he signs the receipt I take the pizza out and start to hand it over and he says, "no, I was supposed to have three pizzas." I patiently show him where I have brought everything that was ordered. I have 2 of 2 pizzas and 2 of 2 sodas. He keeps saying that they must have taken his order wrong, so I give him two options, he can take the pizza and call the store to work something out, or I can take it back with me and cancel the order. He chooses the latter.

When I get back to the store I start talking to Stoner Manager about it and it turns out the guy called 3 times to try to get the order in and twice after the delivery attempt. The first time he was calling to complain that our online ordering wouldn't give him all the specials that he'd picked. Stoner Manager offered him the number to online customer service. The second time he tried to get the online-only specials over the phone and was pissed when he couldn't. The third time he decided to order two pizzas but changed his mind to add a small anchovy pizza and then heard the price and changed his mind back. The fourth time he wanted his refund and claimed that Stoner Manager had offered him a particular special (an outright lie as this particular special is available only online and is one that we all hate, I've seen Stoner Manager talk people out of it). The fifth time he was upset that the money hadn't immediately gone back into his bank account, as if we have control over how fast his bank processes things on a Sunday.

On top of dealing with that prick, my headphones were stolen from on the drivers' station. Possible suspects are: Stoner Manager, Thing One, Day Driver, and Monkeywrench. I'm going to go ahead and rule out Stoner Manager since he had his own headphones and Monkeywrench since she has no need for headphones, leaving Thing One and Day Driver. I'm pretty sure it was Day Driver since he mentioned 3 times how "weird" it was that my headphones just disappeared off the drivers' table when there wasn't that many people in the store. Ummhmm, weird...that you fucking took them.

Update: El Jefe called me this morning to tell me that my headphones had been "found" in the pocket of an apron in the bathroom.

Overall I got $63 off of 16 deliveries. A not too bad average tip of $2.80