10/24 A Bad Batch of Mushrooms

The last batch of mushrooms that came into the store are yellow and slimy. They smell bad. We're using them anyway.* And that's the perfect metaphor for my Saturday.

Lets start with the couple of customers who really got my goat.**

1. First delivery of the day to a lady who pretips a dollar. I forget the soda. Hold.
2. Go back to the store to get soda, pick up another delivery to take at the same time. Decide to take the other delivery first because the odds are that they'll actually tip me and that lady's dollar hasn't exactly motivated me to provide her good service.
3. I get to the delivery and the guy tries to pay with a $50 bill. I don't have enough change and I explain to him that I only carry $20 in change but he claims that El Jefe told him I could break a $50 and then asks if he can write a check. As he hands me the check he tells me, "and tell the guy who took the order that he cost you your tip." Remember this. It happens again.
4. Resume #1: On my way to drop off the soda I get a call from El Jefe that the lady called to find out where her soda is. I ignore his question and yell at him for screwing me over. Of course, it doesn't mean anything. He'll do it again. I'm the only one who gets screwed. I drop of the soda and try not to scowl at her kids who answer their door. It's not their fault their genetically predisposed to be complete assholes.
   

On top of that, the whole day El Jefe was spouting his conspiracy theories and political leanings to Thing One. In a store this small it's hard not to overhear. So just for the run-down: he hates Obama (don't care), thinks we're not a democracy (don't care), thinks the electoral college is a conspiracy (don't care), thinks Ron Paul would fix it (don't care), and takes the fact that science sometimes contradicts itself as proof that scientists are all conspiring with the government (this one I care about but have the wisdom to know that arguing with idiots doesn't go anywhere). I'm not saying I don't have opinions on his opinions, I'm just saying that I'm certainly not going to express them at work (or here) and that I didn't ask for his opinion and therefore don't care what it is.

Speaking of people that annoy the shit out of me, how about people who tell me what they think I want to hear just so that they can feel better (little do they know I know they're full of shit). For example: I delivered to a house that tried to pay with a $100 bill. I didn't have change. So while the mom went to scramble for another way to pay I was stuck on the driveway with her adult son awkwardly hitting on me (He seemed to be taking the "so you have a mediocre job, I have a mediocre job, so we're the same and you therefore don't think I'm a loser" approach. He seemed to think his job was slightly less mediocre and invited me to come be a night stocker with him at Walmart. No, thanks). When his mom scrapes up enough cash to pay me in exact change they profusely apologize for not being able to tip and the mom tries to convince the son to ride along with me to the store to get change so they can tip me. Seriously. After that scenario is politely diffused she decides to send her son to the store to break the $100 and drop my tip off at the store. Never happened. I'm not surprised. And just in case he's wondering, shitty job or not, not tipping makes him a loser in my book.

There were two bright spots:

• My last delivery of the night was in a neighborhood where it is almost impossible to see house numbers, but this house had a large yard sign with the numbers clearly and simply written in reflective paint. I wanted to hug the lady. ($5 tip)
  
• I dropped a soda (they had ordered 4) on the way up the drive and it got so fizzy that it started leaking out of the top. I offered to go get them another one, but the guy took it anyway and still tipped $4.

I made $73 off of 20 deliveries. An average tip of $2.55.

*This is particularly ironic if you know what chain I work for and their motto.
**Does anyone know the etymology of this phrase? I'm just curious.