5/15 - 17 A long weekend

I have way more things that to write about than I could possibly fit into one blog, so I'll just have to save some gems for slow days.

Friday night:
$31 off 8 deliveries

Only got stiffed on one delivery and it was right across the street from another delivery I was taking.

Saturday:
$103 off 23 deliveries

It was raining, me and Caveman were the only drivers, we had no boppers, leaving Stoner Manager to handle in-store by himself. The day actually didn't start off very well. I was stiffed twice in my first five deliveries, both of which commented on the weather and how awful it was and how I was wet. I spent a lot of time wet. Luckily things picked up in the afternoon. I got an $11 tip off a guy who was too baked to count ones, two $5's off web orders, and a $10 from a birthday party order.

Sunday:
$90 off 22 deliveries

First thing in the morning DevilEyes quit, leaving me as the only driver all day. We were pretty steady all day. Manwhore was a manwhore all day, alternating between hitting on me and telling me about his manwhorish adventures. At some point I think he perceived my disdain for him though I can't be sure because he didn't really change his behavior at all. Some fun things:

• Delivered to the guy with the capibura dog again. His driveway has two stone lion statues guarding it.
  
• Delivered to my ex-boss from Blockbuster, the one who I later worked beside at a completely different job that I quit after two weeks.
• I think Thing One pissed in the sink
• Got 50% of my Daily Recommended Value of carbs from Mountain Dew. The nutritional information should just say, "You don't want to know."
  

5/14 ArmyCook's Back

ArmyCook's back and he sent me home early. Still managed to get in 7 deliveries for $25 dollars but then he sent me home. The good news is I picked up a day-shift Saturday, so I'll be working all weekend and hopefully make enough money that I don't have to rock the Ramen all week at work. In all, of my 7 deliveries, 3 of them were completely unacceptable tips, two of which were very condescending about it; they had the attitude of "here little pizza girl, I'm better than you and you should be grateful for this $1/$1.50 in quarters that I deign to bestow upon you from my high house." At one of the houses I was confronted by the wolf from The NeverEnding Story tied on the front lawn. A little girl came out and untied it to drag it into the house and I got out my pepper spray because I wasn't going to be eaten by the agent of The Nothing.

5/8 Pizzapocolypse is nigh

Friday was awful. I took 5 deliveries and made $11 dollars. Just in case you don't feel like doing the math, that means that I made an average of $1.90 tip per delivery. My first two deliveries were okay; two soccer mom's in one of the rich neighborhoods had actually managed to find the tip field in our online ordering. After that, three stiffs in a row. Uggggg. Not amusing.

5/7 Dishes

Tonight started off slow....really slow.....so slow I couldn't clock in for almost half an hour. Then I took two deliveries in the first hour, which is pathetic. Luckily things sped up but not before pizzas started disappearing. I don't think Stoner Manager ever did figure out which Bopper/driver was fucking up; I wasn't really in the store long enough at that point to get into the drama.

I've christened a new bopper, Robot Bopper. Thing two and Happy Bopper are both avoiding him for some reason. He is a little weird though I think it's just him being a goody-goody and socially stunted.

Two customers that didn't amuse me:

• The hairy guy who ordered the pizza well done, complained that I was early, then proceeded to demand to check the pizza for its well-done-ness before giving me the money.
• The girl who gave me $1 Jefferson gold dollar coins as part of my payment. Do I look like a vending machine?

Got stuck with dishes, which take me forever, so here are the 10 things I hate about dishes.

1. Sanitizer - it smells yucky
2. Floaties - I have to rinse everything before it goes in my dishwasher, floaties completely gross me out
3. It takes forever - mostly because of #2, 5, 6, 7, and 8
4. When I put away the dishes and my hands are still wet and the water drips down my arms into my armpits and shirt
5. Watching dishwater drain because the floor-drain overflows if I let too much water out at once
6. Not enough room to drain the dishes causing me to have to wash a mini-batch then put them away
7. Dishes that are too large even for an industrial sink
8. When other people do dishes and I find grease pencil/actual grease left on the dishes and so have to re-wash them
9. When I accidentally spray myself with the sprayer
10. When I cut myself on the tomato torture device/slicer/knives

Ended up with $32 off 10 which comes to approximately $2 average tip.

5/2 5/3 Bugs!

I worked for 2 and a half hours Saturday morning doing nothing but prep work. I took zero deliveries, cut myself on the tomato slicer, and saw a dead bird out back. I can't even begin to describe how disgusting the juice coming off the ham is when I'm hungover. It wasn't just the ham though; all processed meats were grossing me out. The giant congealed block of bacon had to be broken up by hand. Each little piece of sausage was coated in a tiny layer of pig fat and they slip and slide around each other and leave little streaks of fat on the side of the container. The beef seemed like those little rubbery bits that they use in playgrounds.

Last night I was scheduled to work just a few hours but Eyebrows called in so I volunteered to close to make up for the hours I missed Thursday and Friday. It was actually a pretty nice night. El Jefe seemed to think I was doing him a huge favor by closing so he didn't make me take out the trash and he did most of the dishes. I was working with two of my favorite drivers, Big Black and Malibu Ken. After I came back from my last delivery (to Day Driver who tips very well), Malibu Ken found a giant moth which couldn't fly anymore. He proceeded to poke it and try to set it on fire and spit, etc. Then, just for fun, he picked it up and threw it toward me. The stupid thing could fly just enough to actually make it near me then veer off into the grass. I still scrambled backward as fast as I could and screamed loud enough I'm sure Austin could hear me. And as if that wasn't enough, Big Black decided it would be funny to come in the store and pretend like he had a moth in his hand and like he was going to throw it at me. It was really just a little piece of bark, but it shook a little when he opened his hand and I freaked out anyway. Fun!!!